we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
