remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
