I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
