oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this boner is exhausting
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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