if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
