Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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