"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
