I need help removing her.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I deserve this hangover.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
