but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
