Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
