He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
