Me too!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
