Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
