she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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