I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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