Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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