I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
