i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
