So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
