Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
