What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think i peed on brittanys purse
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
