I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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