Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
