she woke up with a sticky ear
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
