She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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