Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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