There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
