The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
