so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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