words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
