So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
