If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
