I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
