going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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