this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
