She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
