Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
