Where are you?
In a non slutty way
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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