the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
