can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
