woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
