i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
