She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
