Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
