don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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