Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
