He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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