Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
