I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
