When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
