You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
