Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Your penis caused this!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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