I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
