Cold hands, warm shart.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
